Nine Months! Time doesn’t exist, diapers exist…

Nine months. Nine months! Nine Months!!! NINE Months!!! NINE MONTHS!!! Woah. That’s 271 days, 6,504 hours, 390,240 minutes, or 23,414,400 seconds!

That means only 94 days until she’s an entire year old. How have the last 271 days come and gone in seemingly the blink of an eye. There’s a popular saying, “Time doesn’t exist, diapers exist.” Or something along those lines. 271 days adds up to an impressive amount of diapers though. I just can’t wrap my brain around the fact that my little girl has already been with us for nine months. The only thing that amazes me more is witnessing how much she’s learned in that time.

She can crawl, she can stand, she can hold quite a riveting conversation (more compelling if you can communicate through the use of only the words “dada dada” which I can, naturally.) She can express joy or displeasure with squawks and facial expressions, she can grab a cat or dog tail faster than you can say, “Oh honey, be nice to them,” she can do SO much. She’s basically walking already, something I still struggle with from time to time. AND It’s all stuff she’s LEARNED to do in the last nine months.

Not to toot my own horn, but I’ve learned a lot in the last nine months too. I won’t bore you with my (many) accomplishments because you’d be shocked how little I knew nine months ago and possibly shocked at what I still don’t know. I’m 35 years old – I SHOULD know stuff!!

Do you how much I would regularly ‘learn’ in any given nine-month period, prior to becoming a Dad?

Nada. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Maybe what’s new on tap at Druther’s? Maybe.

What are we doing to celebrate her nine-month-old birthday you ask?!? Headed to the good ole Sunshine State! Time to get the hell out of New York for a week and soak up some sun. We couldn’t be going on vacation at a better time. The whole family is pale, cold, and suffering from a severe case of cabin fever. I’m pretty sure if I crack one more, of my many, hilarious jokes my wife is going to sever one of my major arteries. Some people! Am I right? She acts like she’s getting up all night, every night, while I blissfully slumber. I mean she acts like that, because that is indeed the case, but her lack of sleep doesn’t make my jokes any less funny. Frankly, sometimes I think she’s jealous of my wit. But maybe the sleeping thing too. Something worth looking into.

Luckily, we have family down in Florida – Nana and Granddaddy. They are very anxious to see their not so little Granddaughter. They haven’t seen (aside from the countless pics and videos) her in 17 lbs, or 7 inches, or in a measurement of time, (which remember doesn’t exist) seven months. After reading about how nervous I was for overnight in the city with the babe, you might think that I would be freaking out about an entire week in Florida. Logical assumption, but wrong! In this day and age, you can rent things like strollers, car seats, pack n ’plays, highchairs, etc. I can only imagine what an absolute pain in the ass it must have been to travel with small children back in the olden days. Or how expensive it must have been to buy two of everything. But now? We’re just packing her clothes, her diaper bag, her, and off we go! Everything else will be there waiting for us, and when we leave it can simply be returned. Genius.

I’m still nervous about traveling with her of course. It’ll be her first time on a plane, first time dealing with airport security, first time getting to the airport a minimum of three hours early because Dad says so, first time witnessing how much an airport beer costs, first time on a beach, first time in a pool, first time out of New York State, first time on a boat, first time seeing a manatee, first time watching Florida news, first time using SPF 100…SO many firsts! All exciting of course, (some even scary, see: Florida news) but all with their own set of things to worry about. Which I will do before, during, and after our trip. We’re going to have a great time though and can’t wait to spend time with Nana and Granddaddy and enjoy the sites and the weather. Sidenote: For those thinking about letting me know that anything over SPF 50 doesn’t…let me stop you right there. My genetic makeup has allowed me the impressive ability to aquire a painful sunburn, inside, during the winter, in the dark, with all of my clothes on.

Any parents out there have any traveling, beach, or pool tips for this noob? Let me know! Unless of course it’s about SPF 100.

“Time doesn’t exist, diapers exist.” I can’t believe my beautiful little girl is already 1400 diapers old!

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